Eyewitness: Inside the room during the negotiations with George Karl

I was lucky enough to be invited inside the top-secret negotiations between Vivek Ranadive and George Karl. Here's my report:

Breaking: Karl just told me he is promising to wash Cousins' headband after every game.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek counters, wants Karl to massage Boogie's shoulders, too. Could be sticking point.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Wow. Karl just pounded on the table and Vivek's Egg McMuffin went flying. This is getting nasty.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek is furiously tapping on his I-pad. Just took a peek. He's playing Sims 4 with a family that looks just like his players.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Pete D'Allesandro just stuck in head in the room. Asked if he could help. Vivek flipped him the bird.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Karl is very handsome in person. Except for that weird scar on his face. He says it was a dog bite. I think it was a drug deal gone wrong.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek and Karl were close until George made off-hand remark about how he despises Bollywood. Things turning ugly.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek is calmer now. Talking on phone to the agents for DeMarcus, assuring them that the Karl talks are dead. Vivek slyly winks at Karl.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Unsubstantiated rumor that Gavin Maloof is about to arrive to help facilitate the negotiations.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Gavin's here. Party time. Taking a break for beer run.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek is getting tipsy. So is Karl. This is gonna be fun.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Karl now blotto, dancing on table with shirt off. Vivek throwing 5-dollar bills at him.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Karl and Vivek now drunkenly debating whether Bruce Jenner is more attractive as a man or woman
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Chris Mullin just fired up a big doobie. Room is hazy. Karl says smell reminds him of his last Lillith Fair.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Things getting mellow now. Lights down low. Candles. A lot of low talking. Karl and Vivek huddled in corner. Smoke drifting across room.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Media person just walking in. Asked Vivek if he wanted to take a call from Marcos Breton. Vivek just busts out laughing and shoos him away.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Sticking point on contract. Seems Karl wants to be known as Fair Oaks Karl going forward. He's sick of Carmichael Dave getting all the pub.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek just got call on phone. DeMarcus scheduled to arrive shortly. Asks security guards to remove all sharp metal objects from room.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

DeMarcus just entered room. Karl greeted him with big bear hug and kissed him on the cheek. Cousins seemed to like it.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Karl asked if he could sit on Cousins' lap during negotiations. DeMarcus is now getting annoyed. Moves to other side of table.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Karl compliments Cousins on his tattoos. Pulls down pants to show him a tattoo of his own. He's got the Beastie Boys on his hip.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

DeMarcus just told Karl he doesn't care who the Kings name as coach. He's not listening to anybody.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek just checked online banking statement. He's got money left over, but not much. "What was I thinking," he says to himself. "Soccer?"
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek pulls up his sleeves. Showing off his guns at this point. He's been working out. Demarcus nods approvingly.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

DeMarcus reading tweets off his phone. "I like this Bruski guy," he says. "But why is Wenig always busting my balls?" Karl looks bored.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek just asked assistant to leak to the press that DeMarcus and Karl have taken a blood oath of friendship. Cousins smirks. Crosses arms.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Cousins in corner, talking to agent. "Please leak that Karl is playing hardball and refuses to allow me to play point guard," he whispers.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

I just took a leak, Yahoo reporting.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Break in negotiations. Boogie nap time. Vivek gently tucks him in. Karl's jaw agape.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Cousins is snoring loudly beneath table. Karl demanding more money and pay-per-view rights to his physical altercations with Boogie.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

D'Allesandro pokes his head in the room again. "Now can I come in?" Vivek responds with a two-hand pumping bird.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek asks Karl to pose with arm around the sleeping Cousins. He snaps a photo. "We have to prove that you guys like each other," he says.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Boogie rises from a dead sleep. Eyes Vivek, then looks at Karl, his arm around him. "What the hell?"
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Cousins storms out of room. Talks have taken turn for worse. Negotiations teetering at this point. A single tear rolls down Vivek's cheek.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Just saw Pete D'Allesandro in hallway. Pacing. Shaking like a leaf, sipping herbal tea.
— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Isaiah Thomas just popped in to say hi. "Pizza Guy is here," he bellowed to the room. Vivek buried his head in his hands.

— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

We follow Vivek to a small corner office. Ty Corbin is waiting inside. This is going to be uncomfortable. Ty is frisked. No weapons.

— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Corbin wants an answer from Vivek. "Am I your favorite interim coach or what?" he shouts.

— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Vivek offers Ty a Milky Way bar. Corbin swats it and it flies across the room and lands on Vivek manuscript for book on basketball strategy.

— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Outside door, Karl and D'Allesandro jawing furiously. DeMarcus just passed Isaiah and gave him an unplayful shove. All hell breaking loose.

— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Corbin took wild swing at Vivek, who ducked out of way. Vivek raced out of room. Ty is chasing him, but limping badly on injured achilles.

— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Just heard media flack tell a reporter that everything is calm and completely under control. "Franchise is in good hands." he boasted.

— Ron Wenig (@RonWenig) February 8, 2015

Show me the money, DeMarcus the victim, and other interesting musings

Things we know about the current state of the Kings:

Suddenly, the management is cheap. They don't have the cash to pay a new coach. Yes, they can buy into a professional soccer club, but when it comes to hiring real talent, they throw a fit.

The money issue just brings back bad memories of a former ownership group headed by a group of lunkhead playboy brothers. It's not a good look.

Ty Corbin should just resign and tell the ownership group to take his job and, well, you know the rest. He was put in a ridiculous position. The players had no desire to listen to him. And general manager Pete D'Allesandro barely made a peep to defend him.

DeMarcus Cousins needs to shut up and stop acting like he's the poor victim in all of this. We've seen some of his antics, including berating teammates and having complete mental breakdowns on the court. I'm not so sure that Cousins isn't the biggest problem in regards to the team's attitude.

This team's start was mostly fluke. Yes, Mike Malone had the team playing tough defense, but the early season was not as rosy as it seems. The offense was still a mess and the lack of outside shooting was evident even then. In addition, the poor depth became increasingly evident as soon as the injuries started to pile up.  This is not a good team. It's pretty much a bad one. And I'm not so sure it would have been that different if Malone had stayed on. Still, you have to credit Malone for one thing: He and Cousins seemed to have a connection - and that's hard to do.

George Karl and DeMarcus Cousins is gonna be pure theatre. I'm grabbing my popcorn now and waiting for the fireworks to begin.

Nik Stauskas was drafted for one reason: He was a great shooter. Now we're looking at possibly the biggest bust in the draft. He doesn't have Ben McLemore's athleticism to fall back on, so I'm not sure if there's much of an upside. He needs a summer of performance enhancing drugs just to have a shot at improvement. Some skeptics were comparing him to Jimmer after the Kings drafted him. They might have been right.

Rudy Gay has reverted to his selfish persona of the past. Toronto fans hated him. I'm starting to see why. He's all about getting his shots at any cost. And, most of the time, it doesn't matter if he's double or triple teamed. Can a new coach get through to him? If not, I'd put him on the block in the summer.

I'd explore a deal with the Chicago Bulls. Any deal. They own the rights to the Kings' first-round pick if Sacramento doesn't end up as one of the 10 worst records in the league. Make a deal with them in exchange for relinquishing the protections on the pick. Maybe get Taj Gibson. They need to give up this year's pick in order to have a first-round pick going forward.

Tempo is great when you have Klay Thompson and Steph Curry. It's a damn near disaster when you have the crew that the Kings put on the floor. If we never hear that word again, it will be too soon.