Guaranteed-Accurate Kings Win Prediction Based on Precise Mathematical Formula

Time to use our patented and Nobel prize-winning mathematical formula for predicting the amount of games the Kings will win this season.

Before we start, I'll preface this analysis with two points:

I don't mind setting the bar low.

I'd love to be proven wrong.

Okay, here we go:

Start with 82 wins.

Subtract 41 right off the bat.  Why?  Well, because the Kings play in the Western Conference and they are not named the Lakers, Jazz, Nuggets, Thunder, Spurs, Mavericks, Trailblazers, Rockets, Suns, or even, dare I say it, the Blake Griffin-led Clippers.

Add 6 because of the addition of rookie DeMarcus Cousins and his massive potential.

Subtract 3 because DeMarcus Cousins may believe a little too much of his own hype.

Add 4 because Jason Thompson and Omri Casspi have to get better.

Subtract 3 because, as hard as it is to believe, Donte Greene may be worse.

Add 3 because the Kings fans are the best fans in the world.

Subtract 8 because a half-full arena with the best fans in the worlds isn't a home-court advantage.

Add 5 because Tyreke Evans figures to take over at least that many games down the stretch.

Subtract 2 because Evans still can't figure out how get his teammates involved on a consistent basis.

Subtract 9 because coach Paul Westphal seems incapable of getting his players to A.) run an unselfish offense and B.) play defense without hacking the other team.

Add 4 because the Maloof Brothers seem like genuinely nice guys.

Subtract 6 because the Maloof Brothers have a sister who agreed to be on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Subtract 4 because Luther Head and Pooh Jeter actually made the team.

Add 2 because Carl Landry and Samuel Dalembert give the team some veteran leadership.

Subtract 6 because both will probably be traded by the All-Star break.

There it is.  The numbers have been checked and cross-checked by professors at MIT.  The final tally is in.  Kings fans probably won't like it, but math doesn't lie.  The Kings will win:

Stern ain't bullish on Sacramento... but here's my solution to the arena problem

According to news reports, NBA commissioner David Stern's optimism for a new arena in Sacramento has "faded completely."

What does this exactly mean?

Well, if the commish is bringing the dark clouds, that's a very ominous sign.  

It probably means that we won't have the Kings next season.

And there's no reason to think otherwise.  There's not a single viable plan on the table right now.

What would I do?

Here's my emergency arena plan:

1. Build the new arena in Natomas.  Forget the downtown plan.  It's too complex and costly.  The land is already there in Natomas.  So is the parking.  So is the infrastructure.  And you don't need a slew of environmental reports.

2. Finance the arena with a 5-5-5 plan.  A $5 ticket surcharge on every ticket to every event for the next 20 years.  If you average 125 events and 16,000 tickets, that's $10 million a year and $200 million over 20 years.   With a modern arena with a capacity of 20,000 or more, that should be a semi-reasonable number to hit.  And with this plan, the only people getting taxed are the people using the arena.   Add $5 million a year in rent from the Maloofs and another $5 million a year in naming and endorsement rights (including luxury box pre-sales) and you've got another $200 million.  That's $400 million and should be more than enough dough since you don't need to buy land and build off-ramps and parking structures.

(This just in: After some research, I discovered Edmonton is considering this exact surcharge idea... READ IT.)

3. Partner with a major entertainment company to build a sports-themed entertainment complex on site.  A sort of theme park/restaurant/retail combo.  Maybe build a year-round venue for extreme sports. 

4.  Pass a series of tax breaks for companies that want to build and invest in the new site, helping to bring a stimulus to the local construction economy.

There you go.  Done deal.

I've saved the team.  Maybe even the world.

 I need a nap

Tyreke Evans has plantar fasciitis? Why was he playing 40 minutes in a preseason game?

Okay, you play the coach of the Kings...

Go back two nights.  You are one week from regular season.

A good start in the first month may make or break the team's future in Sacramento.

You find out your best player is suffering from plantar fasciitis, a painful inflammation of the heel.

You also know the best treatment is rest.

You are playing the Clippers in a meaningless preseason game.

What do you do?

Well, if you're Paul Westphal, you play the injured Tyreke Evans for 40 minutes.

Yup, that's right.  Forty minutes in a preseason games against the Clippers.

Was it a smart move?

You decide.



Oh, and as a public service, we provide you with an article dealing with the latest new technology to deal with the problem.

READ IT HERE

A vote for Casspi

Sometimes it's very revealing to look at the plus-minus stats in the boxscore.  This stat shows the point differential while a player was on the court.

From last night's slim victory over the Clippers:

Donte Greene: -13
Omri Casspi: +17

That's a huge disparity.

Greene was recently handed the starting job but there's no real reason why the job shouldn't belong to Casspi.   Although a bit selfish, Casspi works harder, shoots better, and brings an attitude.

 Here's one vote for a modification to the starting five.

Secret Memo Revealed: Top 10 Rejected Slogans for Kings

Another preseason game, another up-and-down effort.  The King looked both dreadful and energized during Tuesday night's game against the Clippers.  Using their starters until the bitter end, the Kings needed an all-out effort in the final minutes against the Clippers' second stringers to gain the win.

Once again, Tyreke Evans provided the heroics.

Still, you have to wonder just how good or bad the Kings are going to be this season.  The Maloofs had to hope the preseason would bring more buzz for the team.

With only one game remaining before the regular season, the Kings might need to re-think this whole "Here We Rise" campaign.  So what were the other options?

We were lucky enough to receive a secret email containing the top 10 rejected slogans.  As a public service, we offer them for your perusal...

1.  We'll Stink Less.

2.  Buy Us an Arena and Then We'll Talk.

3.  These Aren't The Good Old Days.

4.  Winning Is Not As Important As You Think.

5.  Buy One Luxury Box, Get One Free.

6.  We'll Win The Race -- Especially if Tyreke is Driving.

7.  Eight Seed or Bust.

8.  It Could Be Worse.  We Could Be The Timberwolves.

9. Don't Make Us Beg.

10.  Please come -- or we're gone!

Does Tyreke Evans have bad balance? His ankles say maybe yes

Why do some people have chronic ankle injuries?

That's a question that Kings' guard Tyreke Evans would love answered.

Well, according to the New York Times. researchers says bad balance is the reason.  And that a simple set of exercises can help prevent future injuries.

Now on the face of it, the thought of Tyreke having bad balance seems odd, but has anyone ever seen Tyreke on a surf board?

Read this, Tyreke.  Then send me a check.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/08/how-to-fix-bad-ankles/

Donte Greene wins, er, handed small forward spot

Donte Greene is the Kings' starting small forward.

Nobody else had a chance.

Guy was lights out.   Earned it.

Of course, I should have been given a shot, based on the criteria used by Paul Westphal to make his decision.  I've put on a few pounds lately and I've shown little or no ability to hit an outside shot.  But I can defend Shaq.

Injuries and the Doomsday Scenario (don't read if you have a queasy stomach)

The injury bug is not just bothersome...

It could spell doom for the franchise in Sacramento.

Follow this disaster scenario...

Without Samuel Dalembert to add depth and provide quality minutes, DeMarcus Cousins struggles mightily.

Nagging injuries to Tyreke Evans and Beno Udrih linger until December.
 
They get out of the gate by losing eight of their first 10 games.

The early losing dampens the hope of the Kings fans. 

Arco Arena is soon half full and there is no buzz in town.

A deal for a new arena is virtually dead.

Geoff Petrie's hands are tied and he can't make a trade to turn the team's fortunes.

The Maloofs begin to ponder their options.

The midseason deadline for relocation approaches fast...

What happens then?

Cousins needs a crash course in defense - fast

Look, we all know that DeMarcus fella has offensive skills.  He can post, dish, even hit the three.

But the Kings better hope he learns to play position defense very quickly or he is going to be a very annoyed young man come the middle of November.

Cousins has looked hopelessly lost on defense in his short NBA career, picking up foul after foul after foul.   The referees don't figure to get much kinder once the regular season comes around.

Now this wouldn't be too big a deal except for one very important fact:

On Tuesday night, the Kings announced that they had lost their biggest offseason acquisition -- center Samuel Dalembert -- for 4-6 weeks with a left abductor strain.  I'd tell you what a left abductor strain is, but I'm too lazy to Google it.

So where does this leave the Kings and their high hopes for rejuvenation?

In a bit of a pickle.  A sour pickle.

Cousins is not ready to play 35 minutes a night in the NBA, no matter how good he has looked in spurts.   And even if he was ready, he can't possibly stay of the floor for that long.  Not with the refs blowing their whistles in his ear every two minutes.

Frustration may set in a little too soon.  And that's not good for a player who needs to get his emotions under control.

The Kings are going to have to tap-dance, ad-lib, and pray if they hope to get through the first couple of months of the season and make that big leap back to respectability.

For now, it's time for DeMarcus to work on three things.

Defense.  Defense.  Defense.

Excuse me, it's time for me to go Google.

Donte Greene named top sideline cheerleader

The accolades have begun to role in for the Kings.  And this one is a biggie.

Forward Donte Greene has been named Top Sideline Cheerleader in the NBA.  This is huge.  An award like this come around once in a century.   And for the Kings, it's a game changer.

This past Thursday, Greene's sideline cheering antics were on full display before the team's preseason game with the Clippers.  He danced and hugged every teammate.  He fist-bumped every person on press row.  It was impressive.

Greene's added weight gave him even more of a presence.  He moved fluidly from teammate to teammate.  He never fumbled a gregarious slap.  He smiled and laughed with the skill of a veteran twice his age.

Yes, the offseason has been kind to Greene.  His cheerleading skills have exploded.  Remember Mark Madsen on the Lakers' bench?  Stinkin' piker compared to Donte.

Of course, most players would be frustrated, angry and downright surly about seemingly being shuffled to the back of he pack in the race for a starting role.   And maybe he is.   But Donte ain't showing it.  In fact, he's acting like it's not bothering him a bit.

So now Greene is being rightly rewarded.  The AWP doesn't bestow this award on just anyone. You have to earn it.  And when I got the call from the Association for Wasted Potential, I knew it was a once-in-lifetime scoop.

Congrats, Donte.

We expect to see lots more of you on the bench this season.