Kings acquire Paul in blockbuster deal

In the blockbuster to end all blockbusters, the Sacramento Kings acquired Ron Paul in a deal for three No. 1 picks, Hassan Whiteside and the unlimited use of a suite at the Palms.

Paul, at 5-foot-6, was the target of  the team for the last month.

"Feels great," said Paul, who doesn't think his advanced age will hurt his play. "I believe in less coaching interference, more freedom for players, and legalizing performance enhancing drugs"

The Kings figure to use Paul as both a point guard and team spokesman.  "He a little ornery and keeps mumbling about keeping our noses out of Iran," said Petrie, "but the guy's got skills."

Tyreke Evans was shocked by the announcement. "Ron Paul,?" he asked, "Who the hell is Ron Paul?"

The move will shake up the Western Conference, as well as the Republican primary.  Paul will need to take off two games during the next month for debates.   "I can do both," Paul said.  "I'm in great shape.  And Newt is just plain fat.   He can't handle my moves.  Romney's an athlete, though.  I think from all the flip-floppin."

NBA commissioner David Stern loves the deal.  He called it a victory for small-market teams.

At the press conference, Paul tried on the new Kings black jersey, strutting around the practice facility before slightly straining a groin muscle while bending down to pick up a campaign button.

Joe Maloof was beaming. "I knew we'd land Paul," he shouted to no one in particular. "The glory days are back."

Asking NBA Commissioner David Stern to rescind the John Salmons trade

Petition to David Stern


Order of business: Revoking of past trade.


Remedy requested: Exile of John Salmons to beyond city limits.

Mr Stern,

As representative for the organization, Kings Fans With A Grudge, we petition the National Basketball Association to rescind the following trade:

Beno Udrih and the No. 7 pick to Milwaukee for John Salmons and the No. 10 pick, which turned out to be Jimmer Fredette.

This trade undermines the very fabric of fan enthusiasm in Sacramento.  The acquisition of the dour, me-first, pass-last, ball-stopping Salmons was easily one of the stupidest moves in recent Kings history.

It is for this reason, we ask you, Oh Mighty Commissioner, to revoke this trade with all your powers.

You have shown an extremely large set of balls over the past 24 hours and we believe these huge sexual organs will make it easy for you to send Mr. Salmons back to the Bucks.  And please send back Beno.

By the way, we'll keep Jimmer.

Thank you in advance.

Time for Kings to put up or shut up

Chuck Hayes?

Really?

That's the best we're gonna do?

Well, it ain't good enough.  Not by a long shot.

Not if you've been listening to the propaganda drivel spewed by this franchise over the past five years.  They've been waiting for this chance.  Waiting to spend.

Yes, I know Sacramento is a small-market with little or no appeal to the NBA's big names.

But now there is no excuse not to spend.  In fact, the dirt-poor Maloofs have to spend.  And that means they are going to have to do one of two things:

One:  Offer a max deal with stupid, silly money for either Tyson Chandler or Marc Gasol, hoping to make a big splash and possibly getting lucky.

Two:  Make a blockbuster trade.

I vote for the second option, mainly because the Kings have some talented players that are highly coveted around the league.

I'd trade DeMarcus Cousins or Tyreke Evans in a second if I could bring back some upper-crust valuable win-now talent.   I'm not convinced either player is a team player.  And Sacramento fans don't have another four years to watch them develop.  After all, the team could be in Anaheim by this time next December.

It's time to win now.  Like this minute.  This season.

Get me some unselfish ballers.  Some veterans.  Some winners.

Countdown to Kings events you absolutely know are coming

Okay, the season is about to begin, but Kings fans don't have to worry about how things will play out.  We here at Kings Talking Points already know...

So circle your calendars and watch for these noteworthy events:

7 DAYS until...

We hear that Donte Greene is a new man.  In perfect shape.  His shot looking fine.  Ready to become a huge contributor.

10 DAYS until...

Tyreke Evans turns his ankle in practice.  Officials announce he's day-to-day.  The trainer talks about alternative therapies.  Evans limps through the rest of the season.

24 DAYS until...

Donte Greene airballs three straight shots and disappears for a 10-minute stretch during a pivotal point in the game.  Westphal sits Greene for the next five games.

33 DAYS until...

We realize that absolutely nobody on this team wants to pass the ball.  Selfishness prevails.  Assists are non-existent.  And Geoff Petries realizes that, oops, they should've actually found a true point guard.

45 DAYS until...

DeMarcus Cousins enjoys his first full-blown meltdown of the season, glaring at his teammates and coach after getting tossed out of the game for whining at an official.  In the locker room, Cousins acts contrite and proclaims he's matured.

60 DAYS until...

Sacramento's attempt at getting an arena officially fizzles and we realize that this is really the last season of pro basketball in Sacramento.

72 DAYS until...

The Kings fire Paul Westphal when they discover he's installed a worthless offense and a clueless defense.

87 DAYS until...

Jimmer Fredette takes control of the team and makes it his own, giving the Kings a leader for the first time in ages.  Evans sulks and eventually....

96 DAYS until...

Evans is dealt in a blockbuster trade.

122 DAYS until...

The team, under a new coach and instilled with new confidence, begins to win games and open eyes around the league

146 DAYS until...

The season winds down in a mix of renewed enthusiasm and a hail of despair.

Time for Kings to go all-in with big offer to Gasol

No more sitting on the sidelines while the rest of the NBA wheels and deals.

It's time for Geoff Petrie to pull off a major coup.  And now that the new labor agreement forces the dirt-poor Maloofs into spending more dough, it's time to think big.  Really big.

My suggestion: Throw a ton of stupid money at Memphis restricted free agent center Marc Gasol.

He is easily the most talented and valuable free agent available on the market.  He's a young, talented center who would fit marvelously next to DeMarcus Cousins.

Make the Grizzlies match a ridiculous offer.  Make them squirm.  Make them do something they don't want to do: Sign Gasol to a silly deal.

So, you're asking yourself, why would the Kings want to make a silly deal?

Because they can.

Because they have the cap space.

Because they need to spend.

Because they need to make themselves relevant in the NBA again.

Because they can't wait yet another year.

Yes, it could backfire, but I'd rather see them take a big swing than bunt again.

This is the year that was promised to Kings fans.  This was when they were going to come out slugging and go after free agents.

So go do it.

Now.

No more excuses.

Notice the Kings are barely registering on the NBA rumor mill.  Why is that?  They should be involved in every trade rumor, every free agent rumbling.

So make it happen. No more money wasted on the likes of Samuel Dalembert or Marcus Thornton.  Combine their salary offers and make Gasol an offer he can't refuse.

SHOCKING SIGNS SPROUT UP AROUND SACRAMENTO AS NBA LOCKOUT ENDS

 The NBA lockout is over an you can feel the passion again.  Just look around the city of Sacramento.  The signs are everywhere -- actual signs.

Have a look...

And yes, I am very immature.

Maloofs show their empty pockets with support of Power Balance

Gavin and Joe Maloof are desperate for cash.

That is the only explanation for their incredibly tone-deaf support of the fraudulent Power Balance company, a business that will be forced to refunds millions of dollars to customers for allegedly peddling a scam product.

According to Kings spokesman Chris Clark, the Kings are still quite satisfied to be in business with Power Balance simply because "they have assured us of their commitment to the Sacrmento Kings."

Without scientific evidence,  Power Balance bracelets seem to nothing but overpriced, worthless trinkets that pretend to have magical powers.  And that's why they were sued.

But with the NBA season on hold and their financial situation in turmoil, the Maloofs are grasping at any penny thrown their way.

It's time for them to figure out an exit strategy.

Sell the team.

Make a run for it.

It's best for the city of Sacramento.

The Maloofs are paupers.  We need Kings.



in

R.I.P. Kings

Hate to say it, but today's news most probably means this:

We'll soon see if Maloofs are going to back up their words with hard cash

With the end of the lockout looming, it's almost time to focus on basketball-related matters again.

Specifically, free agency.

More specifically, the Maloofs and their wallets and free agency.

Just last spring, after the team was miraculously saved for one more season in Sacramento, Gavin and Joe Maloof pledged that they would finally open the bank vault and go in big for free agents.

Does anyone still believe that?

Because I sure don't.  The family finances are still in a downward spiral.  Sister Adrienne, of Beverly Hills Housewife fame, is even crying poor.

I'd like to be proven wrong, but I don't see how the Kings invest a ton of money this season.  I still think the owners bear a bit of a grudge against Sacramento for submarining their Anaheim deal.  They probably don't believe the city will get their act together on an arena deal so why spend money right now?  Do it after they go to Anaheim in order to make a big splash in Southern Cal.

Then again, maybe the Maloofs are newly committed to Sacramento.

But I'll believe it when I see them writing checks.  Unfortunately, there might not be enough in the bank to stop those checks from bouncing.

Build it in Natomas, stupid

The pipe dream that is the Railyards Arena may be the stupidest political folly in recent memory.

With more moving parts than a Rube Goldberg contraption, this longshot plan is a grand slam home run if it somehow comes together.

But the more likely outcome is that it will crumble.  And crumble badly.

Now here's the sad part:  Building a new arena on the site of the current arena would be far cheaper to fund, easier to build, more cost effective as a construction project, and smarter overall.

The infrastructure is there.  The parking is there.  The freeway on-ramps are there.  The footprint is there.

It's a slam dunk at this point simply because the city has probably targeted enough financial sources to fund a new Natomas arena right now.

So what's the upside to building in Natomas?

Well, you keep the Kings, for one.

And you have an arena far sooner.

You don't need to wade through environmental reports, crazy parking schemes, and rely on a plan that may or may not appeal to the Maloofs.

Plus, you don't decimate the economy surrounding the current arena.

I say build in the railyards, but don't build an arena.  Build an entertainment complex -- how about an amphitheatre for first-rate concert acts.

Mayor Johnson, just shelve the downtown arena folly right now.

Save the Kings in Natomas and you still look just as good.  And you still create plenty of construction jobs.

The answer is a no-brainer.

Time for someone with brains to make the right call.