Friday, December 24, 2010

Joe Maloof's secret text messages: What it would take to fire Paul Westphal

Last night, Joe Maloof sent a text message to Jason Jones of the Bee proclaiming that "No" he was not going to fire Paul Westphal.

What hasn't been revealed were a number of text messages sent by Joe Maloof to his brother Gavin laying down the guidelines for what WOULD cause the firing of the coach.

The text messages were secretly leaked to Kings Talking Points and we are revealing them here today:

--If Paul tries to high-five me in the practice facility bathroom one more time, he's out.

--If Paul keeps ignoring my pleas to massage Tyreke's aching feet during timeouts, he is canned. Period.

--Paul is gone if he can't figure out that calling DeMarcus a "Sulky Suzy" in pre-game warmups is not helpful to the delightful young man's mental well being.

--I think Westy is done if I could convince Bill Walton to coach the team. He was at the house the other night and I love his enthusiasm, but his teeth are kinda annoying.

--If Paul loses another 20 more in a row, there's a pretty good chance we can get off easy by telling the press that he is voluntarily stepping down because of chronic heartburn. That way we don't look like we fired anybody and maybe Westy gets a deal with Zantac.