In a shocking move made in order to take advantage of unemployed state workers, the owners of Disneyland have announced they are packing up their rides and taking them to Elk Grove.
The site will be the abandoned Lent Ranch Mall just south of the city off Highway 99.
"This is big for us," said a Disney spokesman. "We're sick of Anaheim and all those phony Southern California fools. We want to attract a new type of crowd to our park. And we think Elk Grove is the perfect destination."
Mayor Kevin Johnson was stunned but overjoyed. "Look, I didn't get a phone call but I don't care. Bring on the Matterhorn."
There will be some small changes when the new park opens in 2012. One example: The Pirates of the Caribbean ride will be renamed "The Drunk Recreational Boaters on the American River Ride."
The park will be staffed by laid off and furloughed state workers, who already attended a job fair in Citrus Heights. "It was incredible," said one beaten-down job seeker, "I'm going to be buckling in people on Big Thunder Railroad. And I get to work five days a week."
Anaheim officials were left confused and bitter. Disney had warned them that the park needed an influx of new blood.
The disappearance of the park will leave a gaping hole in the Anaheim economy, but a Disney spokesman scoffed. "They've got the Maloofs now," he said. "They'll fill the void."
He then doubled over in laughter, walking away.
Other amusement parks will have to vote on the relocation, but it should be approved. Only Raging Waters in Roseville figures to put up much resistance.