Friday, June 22, 2012

Revealed: Secret Maloof daily schedule

You've probably been wondering what the Maloofs, the owners of the Sacramento Kings, have been doing lately.

You see, everyone seems to think the Kings have become irrelevant.  But just because you never hear a whisper about a possible move as the draft approaches, that's no reason to believe that nothing is being done.

And even if every potential draft choice has decided take a wide berth around Sacramento and refuse to work out for the team, that's no reason to think the Maloofs aren't digging deep to make things happen.

Here at Kings Talking Points, we've got proof the brothers are working damn hard.  We've obtained an alleged daily schedule for the Maloof brothers.  Take a look.  It may change your mind.

8 a.m.: Morning Bikram Yoga.  Clothing optional.  Joe and Gavin attending.  Bring extra towels - Gavin tends to sweat a little too much for the room.

9:30 a.m.: Home renovation class at Home Depot.  This week's topic: How to fix those pesky luxury boxes with a little paint and spackle.  George attending.  Joe and Gavin waiting in truck.

11 a.m.:  Man the phones for onslaught of season ticket renewal calls.  George, Gavin and Joe.  Gavin requests that this time there be no jokes about playing Simon and Garfunkel's "Sounds of Silence" as background music.

11:16 a.m.: Use season-ticket phone to order pizza for lunch.  Gluten-free crust, please.

11:20 a.m.: Prepare for conference call with NBA and David Stern by gathering little-known but damning facts about Sacramento's awful economy.  Gavin attending.

11:46 a.m.:  Conference call with David Stern and NBA.  Team attorneys will be present on call to gently allude to anti-trust violations, but George demands that everyone treat "that little power-mad runt" with respect.

12:30 p.m.:  Lunch.  Casual dress.  Courtside during auditions for Kings dance team.  George requests that Gavin and Joe refrain from getting up from their seats and giving any individual dancer a standing ovation.  Please wear loose-fitting pants.

2 p.m.:  Maloof family nap.  Spooning optional.  George, Gavin and Joe attending.  Possible appearance by sister Adrienne.

4 p.m.:  Meeting with team vice president Geoff Petrie to discuss potential free-agent signings.  George notes that their checking account at Wells Fargo is currently overdrawn so any offers made to prospective players will need to be done with fingers crossed behind back.

5:30 p.m.:  Research session on possible draft picks.  Special guest speaker:  Some guy who attended a North Carolina game a few months back and remembers seeing a good player, although he doesn't remember the kid's name.  Gavin and Joe attending.

6:30 p.m.: Prep for confidential, top-secret meeting with Mr. Big.  Identity to remain secret.  Gavin sent to airport to pick him up after his flight from Seattle arrives.

8:30 p.m.: Top-secret meeting.  No further details.

10:30 p.m.:  Bedtime.  Gavin tucks in Joe tonight.  George gets the couch.