Joe Maloof announced on Twitter a new family venture coming soon. We at Kings Talking Points are thrilled. It has to be something big. Very big.
As a benefit for the fans, we are happy to supply our well-researched list of highly probable projections for the big venture and the odds for each:
Sexy new uniforms are unveiled for the team. Players will only wear shorts, thus cutting down on laundering and clothing costs. "Hassan Whiteside is gonna really attract the ladies when they see his abs," boasts Gavin. 125-1
In an effort to grow their business, the Maloofs will now sell their own brand of lemonade. "Bitter Fans Lemonade" will offer down-home taste and feature a different alienated Kings fan on every bottle. 40-1.
The Maloofs will bring their skateboarding business to a whole new level by announcing the formation of the PSL - The Professional Skateboarding League. Unfortunately, Sacramento won't get a franchise until the city ponies up the dough for a Skateboard Pavillon in Old Sac. 20-1
A reality show featuring Joe, Gavin and George on a treasure hunt in Anaheim is announced for this fall. The three wacky brothers must meet in secret with businessmen who may or may not be franchise-stealing whores. It's up to the brothers to find who's the legit whore and get the money before the next NBA Board of Governors meeting. 2-1
Monday, July 9, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
I mean, why the charade? Why let the fans even entertain the thought that the team would try to compete in the free-agent market?
The wacky brothers have claimed for years that their finances were just fine, but that silly boast is not even up for debate anymore.
What's the best thing that George Maloof could do right now? How about an honest statement.
It could go something like this:
"Because of the economy and a number of completely boneheaded moves by my family, the Kings will be running the team on an austerity budget for the near future.
"That means no big free agents, no trades that take on any salary, and no chance we enter into any arena deal that forces us to put in one red cent.
"We'd like to apologize to the fans for thinking we were legitimate deep-pocketed owners who cared about anything more than keeping our irrationally entitled family afloat.
"So chill out, stop complaining, and stop scrolling the sports wires for news about the Kings. Ain't gonna happen, suckers."
All the best,