Monday, April 25, 2011

Revealed: The secret pages from Joe Maloof's diary over the past few weeks

Many Sacramento fans have wondered about the state of mind of Kings ownership over the past few weeks.  Well, wonder no more.

Thanks to an inside source. we were slipped a number of pages from the alleged personal diary of Joe Maloof.

The thoughts are quite revealing.  Read on:

April 13:  Arrive in New York.   Order champagne for pre-meeting celebration.  Asked my assistant to secure tickets to hottest show on Broadway: "Spiderman - Turn Off The Dark."   I love big shows.  Lots of cool special effects and flying.  Risky stuff, but what could go wrong?

April 14: Prepared Anaheim proposal for NBA Board of Governors with brother Gavin and my best bud Mayor Tommy of Anaheim.  I asked why we only had a sketchy one-page outline of the proposal.  Tommy just smirked and ordered more popcorn shrimp and imported beer from room service.   Sent text message to Dave Stern:  "Done deal, right?"  His response was interesting: "LMAO." Later that night, Tommy feel asleep on my leg.  I think he got drool on me.

April 15:  My advisors tell me that the meeting didn't go too well.  Mark Cuban supposedly flipped me the bird when I was checking my Blackberry.  I think it went great.  We are gonna be rolling in the dough when we head south.   Just in time, too.  Haven't made my car payment in three months.  Just heard about some movement in Sacramento called Here We're Built by some dude name Carmel Dave.  What a joke.  Nobody pays attention to crap like that.  By the way, who the hell is Ron Burkle?  Told my assistant to do a Google search.

Just got word.  Two-week delay before we're officially the Royals.  Oh well, not like I have anything better to do.  Maybe I'll take some online college courses in business.  

April 16: Saw Kevin Johnson strutting through the lobby.  Suddenly, the dude has confidence.  Never saw that before. By the way, I told him that Burkle is a prick.  And the team is not for sale.  My brother George told me to say that, even though I would sell in a heartbeat if we got a good offer.  I need some cash.  Yes, I could ask my sister Adrienne for a loan, but she just dropped a load on a brow lift and seems a little light on funds.

April 17:  Back in Vegas.  Home sweet home.  Gonna spend all day playing blackjack, wearing tight shirts, and glad-handing all the skateboarders at poolside.  Told my assistant to get me the real estate listings for Anaheim.   Looking for a nice foreclosure I can get cheap.  Very cheap.

April 18: My brother George whisked me away to his office to give me good news.  Seems the NBA got that carpet-bagging dude who stole the Sonics from Seattle to look into our relocation.  Woo-hoo.  Stern is a genius.

April 19:  Got wind of another idiotic movement.  Here We Purple Nurple?   Huh?  Sounds like a fraternity prank.  Sacramento fans are usually very creative, but I don't get this one.  Saw a video blog by that Carmel Dave guy.  Talk about charisma.  Was that his garage?

April 20:  Emergency meeting at the poolside bar.  Gavin is pale.  First thought:  He needs sunscreen.  George says it looks like we're going back to Sac.  I'm shocked.  Ask assistant to lend me his credit card so I can order a Turkey Club.  Always feel better with bacon.