In the blockbuster to end all blockbusters, the Sacramento Kings acquired Ron Paul in a deal for three No. 1 picks, Hassan Whiteside and the unlimited use of a suite at the Palms.
Paul, at 5-foot-6, was the target of the team for the last month.
"Feels great," said Paul, who doesn't think his advanced age will hurt his play. "I believe in less coaching interference, more freedom for players, and legalizing performance enhancing drugs"
The Kings figure to use Paul as both a point guard and team spokesman. "He a little ornery and keeps mumbling about keeping our noses out of Iran," said Petrie, "but the guy's got skills."
Tyreke Evans was shocked by the announcement. "Ron Paul,?" he asked, "Who the hell is Ron Paul?"
The move will shake up the Western Conference, as well as the Republican primary. Paul will need to take off two games during the next month for debates. "I can do both," Paul said. "I'm in great shape. And Newt is just plain fat. He can't handle my moves. Romney's an athlete, though. I think from all the flip-floppin."
NBA commissioner David Stern loves the deal. He called it a victory for small-market teams.
At the press conference, Paul tried on the new Kings black jersey, strutting around the practice facility before slightly straining a groin muscle while bending down to pick up a campaign button.
Joe Maloof was beaming. "I knew we'd land Paul," he shouted to no one in particular. "The glory days are back."