Kings perform secret medical evaluation on Michael Porter Jr. Here are the results

Exclusive sources are now revealing that rising draft prospect Michael Porter Jr. was brought in for a secret medical evaluation by the Kings. The facts, as they slowly dribble out, are extraordinary.

Porter was flown in to Sacramento on a private jet and ferried to Golden1 Center last week under the cover of darkness. Only a few people in the organization knew about the meeting.

According to sources, General Manager Vlade Divac began the examination by holding a mirror to Porter's mouth to make sure he was breathing. Divac nodded happily when the mirror fogged and gave a lively thumbs-up to team owner Vivek Ranadive.

Porter, who was in excruciating pain, crawled across the floor in an agility drill, avoiding paper clips and assorted office supplies. Ranadive was so impressed, he pumped his fist and winked at Assistant GM Peja Stojakovic, who watched the entire examination with mouth agape.

The Kings, who couldn't find an orthopedist in time for the examination, brought in a highly regarded local veterinarian to finish the exam. The vet proceeded to check Porter's snout,  examine his skin for fleas, scratch him behind the ears, and give him a vaccination for ringworm. Porter seemed confused, but went along with the exam.

The Kings drilled Porter with a number of probing questions.

Divac asked if Porter still had any problems with his back.

"Nope," Porter reportedly responded. "All good"

"Awesome," Divac said. "I'm happy"

Porter then grimaced as he attempted to get to his feet, grasping at his hip.

"What's wrong?" Ranadive reportedly asked.

"Jet lag," Porter said, his face red and sweat dripping down his forehead.

Ranadive smiled. "Happens to me all the time," he said.

According to sources, an intern then entered with donuts, surprised to see Porter.  "I thought we were set on Doncic?" the intern reportedly said.

Sources said the intern was quickly escorted out of the room as Divac made sure Porter was fully aware that nothing they found would convince them not to draft him.

"You could have a fatal brain disease and be wanted in five states for bank fraud and we'd draft you," Divac reportedly told Porter. "We just love your upside. We've seen you dunk on high school kids. We think you are going to be a superstar. And we know superstars. Ever hear of Nik Stauskas?"

The examination took less than 20 minutes before Porter limped from the room, yelping loudly once when Divac patted him on the back.

Sources say the Kings have now done all their due diligence and won't be swayed from their selection. "We are smart and savvy," Divac reportedly bragged to another employee, "we can afford to take a small, tiny itsy-bitsy risk. I mean, it's not like we don't have another first-round pick next year."

The employee reportedly shook his head as Divac danced away.

Why Doug Christie Should Be the Next Kings Coach

Stale air.

Awful, stinky stale air.

You can see it.  You can taste it.

It's been like a thick layer of pollution hanging over Sleep Train Arena for the last decade and, most notably, over the past five seasons.

That's what it's like to be a Kings fan. You're trapped beneath a suffocating fog of despair.

You choke on every decision. You gag when you watch the team play defense. You feel your chest tighten every time DeMarcus Cousins goes full nut job.

And the worst part? There doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. 

The next four first-round picks are completely up in the air. Will they keep them? Will they need to swap them?

Their young players, except perhaps Willie Cauley-Stein, have been busts. Their veterans are of little value to a team that wants to compete for a playoff spot.

And their All-Star cornerstone - Cousins - has yet to prove he can behave well with others, much less figure out how to play a full game of basketball without making more anguished faces than a five-year-old waiting in an endless line at Disneyland.

But there's one thing they can do.

There's one thing that can instantly change the atmosphere, clear the air, and let the sun shine in.

Hire Doug Christie to coach the team. 

Yup, Doug Christie.

Forget the retreads like Scott Brooks and Mark Jackson. Not impressed. Seen 'em. Don't need to see them again.

Christie brings something the Kings and this city have been sorely missing for the past 10 years...

Joy.

And enthusiasm.

And a love of the game.

Oh, and by the way, he's very smart, too. I'm a believer after listening to him as a team analyst this year. 

Now I'm not usually a fan of bringing in someone with zero experience as a coach, but there's just something about Christie that makes me believe he's a winner. You can feel it - right through the TV screen. And if you can feel it through the TV screen, you better bet you can feel it in person.

Christie's a fighter, too. Just ask Rick Fox.

Is it a gamble? Maybe. 

But at this point, Kings fans just want to breathe fresh air again. And having a joyful warrior like Christie at the helm would instantly bring a brand new karma to the team.

So Mr. Ranadive, it's in your court. You pride yourself on thinking out of the box. 

This one is sitting on a box right in front of you.

Make the call.